It Hurts

Never felt so dejected in my entire life. I've never wanted something so badly. I got rejected for doing the only thing I can do well. My heart really hurts.

I know I probably wasn't confident enough, but I wanted it so badly to the extent I got so afraid. I never cried for any auditions in my entire life, yet I cried 3 times for this. And this is only a CCA. It's not even something THAT important to my life.

During auditions, I got criticized for not bringing justice to my own idol. To the idol I love and respect the most. I felt so ashamed and upset my entire mind went blank. I lost it. And needless to say I didn't even know how to continue the remaining of my audition. I walked out of the audition room crying. Firstly, I screwed up. I know I did. Secondly, I felt so ashamed of myself. For someone to tell me I didn't bring justice to the ones I admire the most. I felt like I could never face my idols anymore. I got so badly affected I just broke down. I couldn't hold it back anymore.

Not only did I get rejected, I wasn't even called back for reauditions. That just hurts me even more. Honestly, right there and then I wanted to cry when the results were sent to me. I felt like since I was rejected for my singing, I might as well not sing anymore. Like what's the point in singing when nobody even likes it. My friends keep telling me not to get affected, but it already did. With that rejection alone, I felt like I can't even do what I love doing and can do right.

If I get rejected by choir as well, I'm really never going to sing in my life ever again.