살아 봤으면 해

I don't know, but I've been feeling weird again. My heart is so unsettled, so is my mind. Been getting so easily frustrated these days, maybe it's just the weather. This kind of feeling sucks, a lot.

It's less than a week to my birthday. Haha, so what. Nobody gives a fuck anyway. Haven't had a birthday celebration in 5 years. In some cases, people don't even realise it's my birthday. Take my family members for example. "Oh ya it's your birthday on that day right?" They don't even remember. The last time I received a birthday gift from my own family? I don't know. Maybe 5 years ago. And that was because I used that as an excuse for them to buy me something costly I really wanted back then. This year's probably gonna be the same. Yeah, I get the birthday wishes and all. But actually all I want is someone to spend time with me on my birthday. A friend maybe. I always see other's instagram posts on how they celebrated their birthdays with a group of friends out having a meal together and such. I want to experience that too ㅠㅠ Will I get a chance like this? 

마음이 너무 불안하다... 어떻게? 그냥 이렇게 살아? 난 아무도 몰라 지금... 친구는... 정말 내 친구가 맞아? 낯선사람 같은데. 미치도록 나 죽어싶다. 이런 생각은... 아 ㅡㅡ 머리 아파.