So, recently, my biological mother came back to Singapore. Yes, she's back. Usually kids would be happy to see/hear that their mother's back, but as for me, this isn't the case. You see, this whole thing is complicated. Let me break it down for you.
When I was 1 (yes, 1 years old, a baby), she eloped with another man. Then, she reappeared again when I was in playgroup. All the way till primary 1, I think she was there, just that we hardly met. Then when I was in primary 2, she left for the States to work.
Ever since she left, its been 8 years. 8 LONG YEARS. I basically grew up without a mother by my side. Am I angry? Yes, definitely. It used to be just anger that you would be able to rant for hours about. But now, its turned into some sort of speechless anger, one where you cannot even find the words to say anymore. You're just speechless.
When I was younger, I used to be so sensitive over the word "mummy". Everyday after school, all the kids and my friends would run to their mothers yelling "mummy!!!!!" excitedly, and then on the way home, telling their mothers what happened that day in school. I was jealous. I kept thinking, "why don't I have a mummy too?" Everytime it was mother's day or whatever celebration that had to do with their mothers, everyone would have gifts and cards, while here I am without anything, because I couldn't even give it to my own mother.
Then it came to secondary school, where most of the problems started to arise. Friends started to become fake, people around me backstabbing and bitching about each other, basically just dramatic ass lives which are exaggerated. I faced many many friendship issues, and this was the kind of thing where daughters would talk to their mother about. But where was my mother when I needed her? NOWHERE.
And now she suddenly appears and says she loves me and misses me, begging for me to reply her messages. I've lost all respect for you. You aren't fit to be my mother. You've done nothing as my mother. What rights do you have of me?
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